Andy and I have recently enjoyed the most beautiful Breakthrough Experience with a client. His name is Terry, he’s 42, and he’s given us full permission to share his story.
Terry flew up to Inverness for his Breakthrough not really knowing quite what to expect. He’d been experiencing issues in his relationships; they never seemed to last. He knew women were drawn to him, but they soon began to get disgruntled, then he would find himself doing anything and everything he could to sabotage and escape the relationship. This pattern kept repeating itself, even though he had been dating some really wonderful women.
At 42, he felt it was time to sort these issues out once and for all. Terry wants to settle down with a woman he loves and start a family, so he needed to understand what was causing these patterns. Problem was, he didn’t know where to begin. He had attended various personal development workshops over the last 10 years, and had received a lot of advice on how to make himself feel better when the patterns occurred, but nothing which helped him understand what was actually causing them in the first place. So nothing worked long term.
Andy and I had been recommended to him by one of his friends, who had come on our Couple’s Breakthrough Experience with his wife and had turned his marriage around as a result. So, we received a call from Terry, and a few days later we collected him from Inverness Airport. Terry wanted nothing more than to combine his Breakthrough with stunning Scottish scenery, and we were only too delighted to accommodate him. We purchased a Subaru Outback 4 x 4 for the purpose of taking clients out into the wilds of Scotland, allowing us to combine the learning while we travel, with regular stops in stunningly beautiful surroundings.
Terry’s flight landed fairly early in the morning, and after a hearty breakfast with us at home and a couple of hours to complete the first stage of his Breakthrough, we set off for a day’s adventure with a packed lunch and his workbook… and his journey began.
Terry considers himself a good-natured guy. He has a great sense of humour, is good looking, and he also has a keen sense of adventure. He had read a little online about the Enneagram before coming here, and thought he might be a type 7, often referred to as ‘The Enthusiast’ by many Enneagram sources. We never refer to the Enneagram types by these descriptions, and I’ll explain why in a moment. What Terry had discovered about his Enneatype prior to meeting us had made little difference to what he already knew about himself, though it did seem to give him ‘permission’ to use his humour even more, and indeed even made him feel quite proud of it. This is what we tend to find happens all too often.
Firstly, using our own Enneagram Test and after an in-depth discussion, Terry established that he is indeed a type 7. We then took him on a journey right into the core of who he is, bringing everything that had remained hidden in his subconscious into his conscious awareness. I can only skim the surface here, but let’s take a look at what it really means to be a 7… the side that very few wish to speak about.
The 7’s ego type is driven by greed. This may sound negative, but it’s simply one of the Enneagram types, and we’re all struggling with something similar – none of us escape. What the greed actually does to an individual is give them a deep need for freedom and variety – a greed for life and everything in it, so to speak. It also means that the 7 is always looking to see what they can take from life and others, preferably with as little effort as possible. This underlying motivation means that during their communication with others their brain is working to figure out ‘What can I get from you?’
Sevens are masters at intellectual manipulation, and this is used as a means for feeding their greed. The mind and body work together to subconsciously ensure the ego’s subconscious need can be met (as with all other Enneatypes), so 7’s are charming and humorous, enthusiastic, and usually the life and soul of the party. They tend to attract attention effortlessly and take from others without their realising they are even being taken from. In fact 7’s are so skilled at this, that they can leave others feeling they are being given to, when they are in fact being taken from.
However, when it comes to committing to something or someone, their fear sets in, because it means their freedom may be compromised. They tend to get bored easily, and so can move on quickly from adventure to adventure, losing interest if something doesn’t feel exciting enough. When they get bored, they become addicted, then they feel trapped by whatever they have become addicted to. They tend to be the type often referred to as the heart-breakers, because they have the ability to leave a partner breathless with their charm and charisma, but can have difficulty following through with anything serious if it means losing their freedom or variety. Partners can be left not knowing quite where they stand…
The 7 also uses their humour as a way of deflecting from having to deal with anything serious. Seven’s generally detest drama – they try to avoid pain at any cost – so they use humour as a way of avoiding it. All this actually achieves is to make others feel unheard, and often exhausted by having to constantly respond to their humour. So others will find alternative ways of being heard by the 7… and this is where they start to speak louder, becoming more dramatic around them, thereby bringing into the 7’s life exactly what they most wish to avoid.
Remember that this is all happening on a subconscious level, so Terry is not setting out to do this on purpose. As with each and every one of the Enneagram types, these deep subconscious behaviours are driven by a motivation which seems invisible to the one struggling with it. There is little point in sitting in judgement of Terry for this behaviour, because each and every one of us have one of these drives too, and all are equivalent in how dreadful their behaviour sounds when you really get into the core of them.
So you see how easily our ego can trap us – a 7’s eternally optimistic attitude to life is not a actually a ‘gift’. It is their trap. Metaphorically speaking, it keeps them running to avoid pain. Terry was constantly running, whilst the pain he was running from was following him around like a ball and chain, eternally being created by him to have to face over and over again until he was willing to wake up to himself. And while he was running to maintain his sense of freedom, the more pain and trapped he felt.
Thing is, Terry hadn’t even realised he was running and resisting all the time. In fact, he was rather fond of the title ‘The Enthusiast’, and he’d loved the buzz of all the personal development which had unwittingly pushed him even further into the 7’s typically over-optimistic attitude to life…. blissfully unaware that it was all serving to strengthen his ego – the very thing that was keeping him trapped in the first place. Because at the same time, he was also wondering why his negative patterns kept repeating…
Over the next two days we took him on a deep journey within, bringing all the elements of his shadow side into his conscious awareness. It can be an uncomfortable journey to face this side of ourselves, but once we are willing to see and accept all of who we are, only then can we truly liberate ourselves.
We provided Terry with the path for transformation which is right for him as a 7. Each Enneatype has a very different path for releasing their patterns, barriers and fears. What can help one type can harm another, pushing them even further into their traps, as was evident with Terry. There simply isn’t a one size fits all solution when it comes to personal development. I have only barely touched on this particular Enneatype here, but what I have shared with you is enough for you to understand the complexity and enormity of what we can learn from it, and how it subconsciously creates the patterns we experience in our lives without even being aware that we are.
Imagine each and every one of us are given a virtual reality headset to wear throughout life. One of the 9 ego types is programmed into that headset, and this becomes the filter through which an individual will experience life. Each Enneatype comes with very specific fears, a pre-determined meaning of success and failure, and certain things that will raise or deplete their energy. Each has a very specific motivating drive, from which their behaviour stems. Each type also manipulates in a specific way, and self-sabotages so they have to face their own fears time and time again. Each will experience a very different type of relationship too. If you really think about it, it is sheer brilliance when seen for how far it can take us on our journey into awakening. Andy and I both went through the same journey that we guided Terry through, and it changed our lives and all of our relationships beyond any words I could choose to explain it. It is taking your virtual reality headset off.
Terry had a huge awakening. From his first day with us, he was able to observe the games his ego was playing on him. He had moved from subconscious autopilot into conscious awareness. This gave him the ability to step back, then change what he was doing, one situation at a time. He began to experience life through himself, rather than something outside of him that was simply happening to him. Finally, he could see and understand the part he had played in everything that had happened to him so far. And crucially, he now understood how he could change it.
This is where we took Terry on his first day with us. It’s not a professional video – it’s just from my mobile phone. It’s a breathtakingly beautiful place, and if you listen you’ll hear the rutting calls of the stags – the mountains were covered in them.
When we arrived home that evening Terry was very emotional, which was expected. He’d discovered more about himself in one day than he had over his entire adult life. He had a hot bath, then the three of us had dinner together. He opted for a past life regression session. This is something I offer as part of the Breakthrough Experience for those who would like to take one step further. Some do, some prefer not to, so it’s optional and for each client to decide for themselves. Terry’s instincts were telling him to take the session.
He experienced two of his past lives with my guidance, and in the first one he went very quickly to a very clear recollection of a stone-bricked cell, of bars that were holding him prisoner. He was able to describe the clothes he was wearing, the shoes on his feet, and his surroundings in good detail. He was also able to tell me about other events from both lifetimes. What he found most overwhelming was the feeling of being caged. He was deeply moved by the experience, and took a few minutes to gather his thoughts after the regression. He felt that his imprisonment in that life-time had left him with subconscious scars, and a deep fear of losing his freedom again. For him on a personal level, this had answered a great deal. This is more often than not the case.
He cried a second time, and rather than running from the pain, he allowed himself to feel it fully; to accept it and allow it, without attempting to avoid it. He let go. Really let go. He let go of everything he had been subconsciously resisting and holding on to. And as he did so, the freedom he began to feel from the inside was more liberating and authentic than any temporary high obtained through his ego.
Now it was time for him to move beyond his subconscious fears, and set himself free. Really free…
Over the following day, Terry began to drop the need to laugh and make a joke of everything. He changed. He stepped into an energy that had certainty and masculinity. His energy became fully present. This is usual for our Breakthroughs. I don’t really know how to explain how different a person becomes when they are no longer wearing their virtual reality mask. He had stopped running and instead touched base with his soul – his authenticity. He had seen the worst of himself, and had been willing to accept and move beyond behaviour that he wasn’t even fully conscious of. Now he was conscious of it, and he was willing to take charge of it. He said he felt unafraid for the first time in his life. Excited, and unafraid.
Andy and I worked with him in great depth the following day, taking Terry on a journey to connect with the immense gifts that come with being a 7, and helping him align them with his life purpose. It was beautiful, because for the first time Terry said he no longer doubted himself, no longer doubted that he had these gifts, because now he knew he had them. He’d come to understand and see all of himself.
You see, each of us lives on a spectrum with our Enneagram type – we either reside in a low vibrating energy on the spectrum, where our negative patterns play out repeatedly, or we reside in a high vibrating energy, where we step into the immense gift that inherently comes with our Enneatype. This gift becomes our gift to the world, and it’s the one that each of the other Enneatypes learn from in order to expand their own awareness too.
He wrote to us a couple of days after he returned home: ‘I understand why you are called Connect to Your Potential, because that is exactly what you have done for me. I could not have even begun to imagine how this could feel until I went through it myself. How does the whole world not about know this!!? Thank you doesn’t begin to express the enormity of what I feel. Relief, joy, understanding. I feel strong, and dare I say it – free! Now I know I can change my life. There was no possibility that I could have seen this within myself, without you leading me in to myself. Thank you. ‘
He got it. Totally and utterly got it. One man’s story of a beautiful breakthrough… and now he has the awareness and tools to change his life from the inside out.
Now his real journey can begin. No more virtual reality…
If you would like to experience this journey for yourself, we offer Breakthrough Experiences for Individuals, for Couples, and for Families. If you would like to experience the ‘outdoor’ option, as Terry did, then contact us so we can discuss your requirements. We offer a free no obligation half hour chat to answer any questions you may have, and for you to see whether this feels right for you.
If you would like to explore your past lives, you’re welcome to download our free Past Lives Clues Workbook. Click on the cover to download your copy.